I would consider myself blessed to grow up and know what a happy, healthy, and loving partnership is. My parents who are still together, after 4 kids and over 25 years of marriage, taught me what to look for when it came to a romantic relationship. The fact that they still really truly love each other makes their relationship one of the most awe-inspiring things to grow up wanting to attain. Though it wasn’t the easiest to put into practice, it’s a lot more work than anyone wants to admit. After quiet a few trial and errors myself in the world of love I’m here to talk about relationship advice from a non expert. I’m someone who’s lucky enough to say I’ve been in many relationships that taught me about (and especially how to be in) healthy, happy, love filled relationships.

After all the honeymoon, fuzzy feelings, freaky nasty passionate sex you’ve been having has slowed down you’re left with another human being to have a relationship with. Not just that, but a romantic one! So here is what I’ve learned about how to get myself in to happy, healthy, and truly long-lasting loving relationships. I’m not perfect, but hey! These have worked for me.

The number one thing before you start trying to be in a relationship with another is making sure you love yourself fully first. This, and know who you truly are. The thing is, one of the hardest things to do is love yourself. Only once you’ve gotten down to the nitty-gritty of the aspects that you hate, shame yourself, or feel guilty for and instead have chosen to forgive, and accept them can you open up and allow love in. If you don’t love your dark sides the universe will only send you partners that mirror those parts you “dislike” and teach you what you haven’t learned. The teachings of how to love these parts of yourself, allows you to have gratitude towards past partners, yes even the “bad” ones. It might be hard but try and mirror back the qualities in your past partners that you didn’t like and find it within yourself. Once you find it try and find where it stems from (birth, childhood, teenage years etc.), If you can’t all good too! Simply acknowledging it is a step into healing/forgiving. Have you also ever noticed that the moment that you let go of chasing after relationships and you’re truly content on being on your own that that seems like moment the universe throws someone into the picture? Pretty much this is the universe going “ok cool, you’ve accepted this version of you, now let’s see what you’ve learnt”. With that, make sure before jumping into the next relationship you’ve looked yourself in the mirror and smiled so big at yourself because you truly love the person in front of you. Inside and out!

Ok, now the universe has brought someone pretty amazing into your life and you’re all like “ I like them but now what?” This is where you practice being clear in your communication! This is huge, especially during the courting days, when you’re starting to get to know one another. Be clear about what you want in a relationship, what your boundaries are mentally, emotionally, and physically. Be clear and don’t shy away from big things you want, whether it’s having kids later on, wanting to move abroad for a bit, or what kinda of relationship you’re looking for. At the end of the day I’ve found that if you’re able to communicate your needs fully no matter if you think the other person will approve or not is extremely important. It’s also the best way to figure out fast if this person is right for you, without wasting each other’s time. If they aren’t willing to accept what you’ve laid down, or at least willing to talk more/compromise then “bye bye” I say! Key point be open and willing to let a potential partner know your needs, and future goals. This will allow you to start on a good foot communicating within your relationship. The majority of problems that arise in a relationship have lead from some sort of miscommunication.

One last thing I’d like to advise on is that you’ll not always get along, and that fighting is healthy! Now the fighting I’m talking about is love based, most often where there is concern for their health and safety, and not that of controlling/abusive behaviors. At any point if your partner is physically, mentally or emotionally controlling you seek help or end things very quickly. If you live in BC Canada you can find help and more information if you think you’re in an abusive relationship by Clicking Here. The kind of healthy fighting I’m talking about is the ability to not always have to agree on everything. Having different friends, hobbies, views, and interests is very normal. Being able to agree to disagree is a great quality in a relationship. Sometimes you might disagree on lifestyle choices ie. smoking, eating, who you hang with, and so on, your partner should be able to bring this up with you, but a reminder that at the end of the day it is still your choice how you decide to live your life. Now, if your partner has concerns with any of them and you get in a heated fight, try and know that the feeling of anger comes from fear. Fear from wanting to make sure their loved ones are safe in all aspects, and they are just voicing their concerns. This is where that communication piece comes into play. After the heated fight breaks out and you’ve both had time to come cool off, you should be able to come back to one another and have a disscussion about why you’re both fighting. You still don’t have to agree or change but to listen to their concerns whole heartedly. Though, because you love them and you want to build a life with them their concerns should matter to you. Fighting in a relationship is healthy, abuse is not. Love isn’t just the easy and fun stuff, as much as we all want it to be, though working through the harder stuff is what makes being in a relationship worth it.

I hope you’ve received everything you’ve needed when it comes to relationship advice from a non expert. With that, here’s your neighbourhood light witch signing off!

X
Emma

Life for me is about filling my day with the things I love, making time no matter what to fill it with all that lights me up. When I talk to people I almost never ask typical questions because they don’t excite me. I’ll usually ask you questions like, “If you weren’t scared what would you love to be doing right now?”, “What is your biggest passion?”, “If you died tomorrow what would be your biggest regret?”. These kinds of questions help me put life into perspective. I ask others these questions because I ask myself them all the time. I never want to live a life that didn’t have me jumping out of bed, or regretting not doing something when I die. So I take the leap and just do all that makes me happy and fills my heart with joy. Life is truly about living, remember this, even after you’ve read this blog that’s all you remember. Just remember it well, life is truly about living!

That’s the only difference in how I live my life next to the next person. I make either a mental or actual list every morning after my meditation on how I want to achieve, do, see, eat, that day that will fill my soul with passion and light-heartedness. Making sure every day has at least one thing in it that makes it better than the last. It’s all things that I know will make me happy that make life worth living. Whether it’s making a healthy breakfast, blogging, calling up my bestie, planning my next adventure, getting on my yoga mat, making a random person I meet to laugh, or making steps to the dream future I want! I make time for it, prioritize the day on what I need most that day and go from there. If for instance, I’m not able to do one thing that day that lights me up I reevaluate how I can do it the next day, and make sure no excuses it gets done. As humans I find we make so many excuses as to why we aren’t doing what we love. That’s where we differ I believe, I cut the bullshit and stop making excuses and just do it. People usually respect you more when you tell them “Hey sorry I can’t meet up right now I have to do this (name the thing you would absolutely love to be doing to have your heart sing then and there) because my soul is needing it.” If they get mad at you that’s their issues, your life isn’t about making them happy it’s about making you happy first and foremost.

Lastly my social media bit, on looking at other’s lives with rose-colored glasses. I’m in the same boat as the next person getting caught up in the social media rabbit hole. On looking on other’s lives thinking their lives are so cool and wanting my life to look similar. The thing is you aren’t living their life! You are living yours and trust me your life and what excites you and brings you passion, it isn’t gonna be the exact same a there’s so don’t try to make it! Get inspired by others but don’t let what they do make you forget what inspires you! I usually try this to keep me loving the life I have instead of comparing myself to others. I look at there life and what thery’re doing and I ask myself “Ok, their life is cool and it’s working for them, but how can I do it better or so that it suits me?” Then take steps towards it.

With that, go out there and start living the life that gets you jumping out of bed! Fill your day full of what you love doing, not on what others are doing! Know that your dream life is just a step a day away from being there! If you can’t think of anything that lights you up lately, maybe because you’re in a heavy spell of depression, or you just broke up with who you thought was your dream partner, or maybe your dream yoga studio didn’t pull through try something small. Like eating at least one meal that’s healthy to make your body happy which makes you happy. Remember life is about living, so fill it even a little with what makes your soul sing!

xo
Emma