I would consider myself blessed to grow up and know what a happy, healthy, and loving partnership is. My parents who are still together, after 4 kids and over 25 years of marriage, taught me what to look for when it came to a romantic relationship. The fact that they still really truly love each other makes their relationship one of the most awe-inspiring things to grow up wanting to attain. Though it wasn’t the easiest to put into practice, it’s a lot more work than anyone wants to admit. After quiet a few trial and errors myself in the world of love I’m here to talk about relationship advice from a non expert. I’m someone who’s lucky enough to say I’ve been in many relationships that taught me about (and especially how to be in) healthy, happy, love filled relationships.

After all the honeymoon, fuzzy feelings, freaky nasty passionate sex you’ve been having has slowed down you’re left with another human being to have a relationship with. Not just that, but a romantic one! So here is what I’ve learned about how to get myself in to happy, healthy, and truly long-lasting loving relationships. I’m not perfect, but hey! These have worked for me.

The number one thing before you start trying to be in a relationship with another is making sure you love yourself fully first. This, and know who you truly are. The thing is, one of the hardest things to do is love yourself. Only once you’ve gotten down to the nitty-gritty of the aspects that you hate, shame yourself, or feel guilty for and instead have chosen to forgive, and accept them can you open up and allow love in. If you don’t love your dark sides the universe will only send you partners that mirror those parts you “dislike” and teach you what you haven’t learned. The teachings of how to love these parts of yourself, allows you to have gratitude towards past partners, yes even the “bad” ones. It might be hard but try and mirror back the qualities in your past partners that you didn’t like and find it within yourself. Once you find it try and find where it stems from (birth, childhood, teenage years etc.), If you can’t all good too! Simply acknowledging it is a step into healing/forgiving. Have you also ever noticed that the moment that you let go of chasing after relationships and you’re truly content on being on your own that that seems like moment the universe throws someone into the picture? Pretty much this is the universe going “ok cool, you’ve accepted this version of you, now let’s see what you’ve learnt”. With that, make sure before jumping into the next relationship you’ve looked yourself in the mirror and smiled so big at yourself because you truly love the person in front of you. Inside and out!

Ok, now the universe has brought someone pretty amazing into your life and you’re all like “ I like them but now what?” This is where you practice being clear in your communication! This is huge, especially during the courting days, when you’re starting to get to know one another. Be clear about what you want in a relationship, what your boundaries are mentally, emotionally, and physically. Be clear and don’t shy away from big things you want, whether it’s having kids later on, wanting to move abroad for a bit, or what kinda of relationship you’re looking for. At the end of the day I’ve found that if you’re able to communicate your needs fully no matter if you think the other person will approve or not is extremely important. It’s also the best way to figure out fast if this person is right for you, without wasting each other’s time. If they aren’t willing to accept what you’ve laid down, or at least willing to talk more/compromise then “bye bye” I say! Key point be open and willing to let a potential partner know your needs, and future goals. This will allow you to start on a good foot communicating within your relationship. The majority of problems that arise in a relationship have lead from some sort of miscommunication.

One last thing I’d like to advise on is that you’ll not always get along, and that fighting is healthy! Now the fighting I’m talking about is love based, most often where there is concern for their health and safety, and not that of controlling/abusive behaviors. At any point if your partner is physically, mentally or emotionally controlling you seek help or end things very quickly. If you live in BC Canada you can find help and more information if you think you’re in an abusive relationship by Clicking Here. The kind of healthy fighting I’m talking about is the ability to not always have to agree on everything. Having different friends, hobbies, views, and interests is very normal. Being able to agree to disagree is a great quality in a relationship. Sometimes you might disagree on lifestyle choices ie. smoking, eating, who you hang with, and so on, your partner should be able to bring this up with you, but a reminder that at the end of the day it is still your choice how you decide to live your life. Now, if your partner has concerns with any of them and you get in a heated fight, try and know that the feeling of anger comes from fear. Fear from wanting to make sure their loved ones are safe in all aspects, and they are just voicing their concerns. This is where that communication piece comes into play. After the heated fight breaks out and you’ve both had time to come cool off, you should be able to come back to one another and have a disscussion about why you’re both fighting. You still don’t have to agree or change but to listen to their concerns whole heartedly. Though, because you love them and you want to build a life with them their concerns should matter to you. Fighting in a relationship is healthy, abuse is not. Love isn’t just the easy and fun stuff, as much as we all want it to be, though working through the harder stuff is what makes being in a relationship worth it.

I hope you’ve received everything you’ve needed when it comes to relationship advice from a non expert. With that, here’s your neighbourhood light witch signing off!

X
Emma